CATCHING DREAMS

A wise man once told me, if you make your hobby as your career, imagine how fulfilled your life would be. I, he said, make my passion as my money maker, although sometimes it feels hard, but the burden is worth it. Because even for the pain, I enjoy every bits of it.

As a little kid, I remember how i loved to play dress up. The object could be anything. It could be my Barbie collections, my teddy bear, or even myself would do. As I grew older, my lovely mom taught me how to sew. I began to make some DIY teddy's clothes, bows, pants, anything really. I was amazed by fancy clothes and I wished to be a fashion designer. But nobody takes a child's dream so seriously and think this is just a phase and it shall pass.

When I was in junior high school, I discovered my passion in cooking. I thought it would be great if I have a career in culinary. I began to practice my cooking in my every spare time. I even searched for scholarship programs in Germany and Swiss. That time i really thought I would be a chef and my parents had full support on that dream.

Then I got into a well-known high school in my city, it's so popular because of the advance educational program they have. My sister is also currently studying in this school, so that's why she complains about her being so busy a lot. Getting in to their science program was hard, but finally i got in and it changed my culinary dreams to the every last piece of it. I just thought why should i study hard but in the end I'm taking something so not science related? So in that very moment, I felt like I was flying without any direction, no dreams to catch, no goals to be achieved.

As the time rolled on, I found myself enjoy studying biology very much, especially the human body. And I started to watch Grey's Anatomy. My biology teacher even told my father, I should get into med school. So I did. But not so smoothly.

It was a struggle. I was not sure if being a doctor is the right path for me. In that moment I discovered I still want to be a fashion designer, just like when I was still a little girl. My father disapproved because he thought I won't make a living out of it. It's a dead end.

So I took a test. Personality, IQ, EQ, skills and everything else. Do you understand what test I'm talking about? Yes, that test. I remember how my heart couldn't stop beating fast the day I went to get my result. You see, during the test, I told the interviewer that I'd like to have a career in fashion and I tried hard to show my creative side way more than my logical side of brain. When I read the result, it was like my heart just stopped. It was written there that I'd be perfect to be a surgeon, dentist, and psychiatrist. All of those are medical related.

So I decided maybe it's best for me to get into medschool after all. The first year went smoothly and I still felt maybe I'll be a doctor after all. That you don't have to pursue your dream job. That you need to just go with the only way it's supposed to be.

But the truth is, doubts are getting in the way everyday since I first enrolled. Everyday I become less sure about my chosen career. I am not loving it, for that I'm sure. I finally realized it's more than just loving biology. To be a doctor, you need to have the passion to cure people, and I honestly don't.

I'm in my last two months in my medical education. I'm really close to the end of the road. And the road is branched. On which road will I continue walking the path of life, I'm working on it right now.


Stradivarius leather jacket / Topshop floral bralette / local store jeans / forever21 necklace / Mango sling bag / Charles and Keith red belt / PICNIC leopard shoes / Guess watch / Gucci sunglasses